flight attendants have the best stories.

I love telling stories about the number of insane people who have crossed my path in the past 26 years of my life. Between my travels and jobs, specifically as a substitute teacher, I have hundreds of wild tales. Some of my more silly stories are set on planes. My flight to San Diego was a hoot let me tell ya. I flew Southwest and their seating is on a first come, first serve basis. Being the last person to board the plane, I was sat next to this 83-year-old married couple. The wife, Kitty was on oxygen and she prefers to sit in the aisle, but she had to sit next to the window because of her tank. She was very flustered, so her husband John and I spent the flight entertaining her, calming her down and what not. Since I was so helpful, the flight attendant kept giving me free drinks. Then all of the sudden people around me were passing me drink coupons on account of I had the least desirable seating arrangement. I wound up with four drink coupons and two free drinks, AND I had given two of the drink coupons away, you know, to share the wealth. I ended up arriving in San Diego buzzed, Kitty kept expressing how much she adored me and enjoyed listening to my crazy antics, and John got to relax. Win, win, win.

Well, what I have is NOTHING compared to Heather Poole’s collection of crazy stories being a flight attendant for fifteen years. Cruising Altitude: Tales of Crashpads, Crew Drama, and Crazy Passengers at 35,000 Feet is Poole’s memoir filled with hilariously honest accounts of her experiences in the air. Take a moment to think about the people you’ve had on your own flights; the drunks, the vommiters, the panickers.  I was forced to create words just to describe these people. Imagine having to calm down these types every day. I no longer wonder what it’s like to be a flight attendant. And I am glad I chose an alternative career…. as an unemployed teacher.